Back inside again

By being back inside, as most will probably already know, I mean hospital. Around 4am this morning (15th July 2016) I was in severe pain, sending my boyfriend, Paul, into a state of panic as he tried to shush me. He was sort of rocking me like a child, trying to calm me as you would a baby because I was that distraught over the pain I was suffering with, so he made the decision to wake my parents up, despite me desperately not wanting to disturb them and cause a problem. My tongue was that swollen it wouldn’t fit in my mouth and my throat had closed over, making me struggle to breathe and therefore cry more as I’d then panic. My mum brought me to Clatterbridge pretty swiftly, I rated my pain 10/10 and they immediately, without question, got me IV Paracetamol through my PICC line and liquid morphine to take orally. They also got me some Sodium Chloride mouthwash (basically salt water) to make sure my mouth is clean. Since being in, I’ve found out that I should have been given plenty of mouth care at the start and told to use it after every meal, in the morning and then before bed, however I wasn’t told any of this. In fact, I only got any mouth care after asking for it after receiving advice from a friend. Due to me not being given mouth care and instructions, this is most likely why it’s got so bad.

It was always a question with the severity of my mouth if it could affect my chemo, and sadly, it has. My oncologist and various doctors who have assessed me have come to the conclusion that my chemo should be paused till my pain and mouth sores are under control and I’m back to eating and speaking relatively normal. In result of this, they want to keep me in indefinitely to keep an eye on my mouth till I can start Chemo again. I’m unsure how long this will take but they’ll be reviewing my situation on Monday at the earliest. On top of this, my dietician visited me today to see how I was getting on with eating, however, I haven’t really ate properly for around 5 days now. I’ve had the odd day or two were I’ve been able to eat slightly rougher foods, although I’m back to sipping soup, although I even struggled with that last night. Due to this, I have been put on 4-5 supplement drinks a day which isn’t too bad as they taste very similar to milkshakes and are served cold. This does cause an issue however for when I do restart my chemo as anything cold causes a series of side effects including my throat closing up. The only way for me to get vital nutrients then would have to be a tube through my nose. It’s certainly not something I’m looking forward to and will definitely be one of my worst experiences so far but hopefully my mouth will be healed enough for me to eat by the time I’m ready for my chemo. This, if I do have to have the tube, is just another experience on my long list though and it will be something I’d have to just get on with, I’m fully aware of that and if anyone knows me well, they’ll know I’ll get on with it as I’ll stop at nothing when fighting against these tumours, I’m making sure there’s nothing I refuse.

All I can say is at least I’m in the best place. There was no way I could deal with the pain at home, I’m barely coping here despite being on a drip and morphine! This is where I’m grateful for this TYA unit though. It makes me and the whole family feel so comfortable while we’re here, with a widescreen TV in my room, extra bed for anyone else and a nice big bathroom, not to mention the kitchenette and lounge area with the PS4, Xbox and Wii. This is the reason why I’m raising the money I am with the wristbands because this is a charity I think really needs it, so this small TYA Unit can expand and help more 16-24 year olds like me.

For now, I’m going to have a nap as the morphine is knocking me out! It’s just unfortunate with the timing I’ve had to come in as yesterday, I picked up my very first brand new car! And I’ve never been more excited in my whole life, I finally feel like I have my independence back… Well, I did before being admitted to hospital again. Oh well, swings and roundabouts, as soon as I’m out I’ll be back driving around with my Paul again. Just need to focus on getting myself better. Thank you for everyone’s continued support by reading and sharing my blog, it means the world to me.


4 Comments Add yours

  1. Leanda x says:

    Sorry to hear you’ve had an unexpected hospital admission Hannah. Try and get plenty of rest over the weekend darling. Please don’t worry about the NG tube – it’s not that bad. I’ve passed many on young kids, may just make your eyes water a little, but it will be over with quickly. It will be worth it to allow your mouth time to heal. Take care sweetheart xx


  2. Vicky Hodge says:

    Oh Hannah I feel for you but you’re facing this head on – you are so positive . You’re family and boyfriend must be so proud. My prayers are for you all but especially that you will be strong enough soon to resume your chemotherapy xx


  3. The Smiling Pilgrim says:

    Lovely smile! Wishes best sending to you 🙂


  4. Auntie Winifred says:

    Thank you Hannah for your blog ! Really I would rather say message (think that’s an age thing) however I am sorry to hear you are back in hospital — but as you say it is the best place just now — just sending you my love and best wishes and hope you will be back home soon driving your new motor car — I look forward to seeing it — Luv AW xx


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