Yesterday, I was given home leave. This was amazing news as I had sorely missed seeing my sisters, my little niece, Lola, and nephews, Lewis and Alfie (Sadly, no Harvey as he was still at school), and of course, my baby boys Denzel and Casper.
Despite being happy to be home however, I didn’t feel too well. I don’t even know what was exactly wrong with me but I had a pain underneath my ribs, felt a bit panicky and then to top it off, started to feel rather shaky and sickly as the time I spent at home went on. This possibly could have been my anxiety as the night before and the morning of my home leave, I had been spiking high temperatures which were a cause for concern and then to make things worse, I had been shivering through the night. The doctor then ended up sounding rather reluctant to send me home and at one point, me and Paul even thought he was going to say I couldn’t go, but he ended up allowing it on the promise that I’d keep a close eye on my temperature. So perhaps not being able to relax was what kept me from enjoying myself so much and infact make me panic more, however, the early return to the hospital was not without reason. At request of my doctor, I did keep a close eye on my temperature, especially because I didn’t feel well and whilst I was at home, it went from 37.5C to 37.7C. Anything over 37.5 should be cautionary and then if it reaches 38C, thats when it should be treated as an emergency, so because of the rise as the time went on and the 1 hour and a half journey to the hospital, me and my mum decided it was probably for the best to return to the hospital. I feel quite bad that I cut the get together short, and if I could go back in time, I wouldn’t have came home to avoid causing the problem of my mum having to bring me back to the hospital and the get together having to end early.
Returning to the hospital however wasn’t too bad. My sister, Heather, who lives up north came home to introduce her new puppy to my dogs therefore was at my house and upon hearing I was returning to hospital, offered to come with me and do my infills, which was much needed as they were pretty much hanging on by a thread! I’m so grateful to her for coming back with me, my new nails being absolutely stunning and her practically saving my nails as they had grown that long, they were catching on absolutely everything.
Not much has changed from my last blog post in regards to my treatment. I’m still doing my mouth care and I have eye drops for what looks like conjunctivitis in my left eye, however today was the big decision day. I said in my last blog post and on my facebook page how I will be reviewed on Friday if I can have Chemo and this took place this morning. Sadly, it isn’t good news. It has been decided that I am not well enough to go ahead with Chemotherapy today or over the weekend due to my throat having only just recovered and because my temperature has begun to spike which could be the sign of an onset infection. This has left them with the decision that I will be reviewed again on Tuesday. I’ve been put on Antibiotics just incase to ensure that if I do have an infection, that will fight it. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed because of course I’m scared that this time wasted will be the decider between whether I’ll get better or not, but I suppose I just have to put my life in the hands of the oncologist and doctors and trust that they know what they’re doing. It’s not like I’m in a bad place and I definitely enjoy this hospital more than I did when I was in Whiston as I have my own free TV and the rooms and unit is definitely built to accommodate people in my age group. Yesterday, I even had the pleasure of meeting Boogie Storm from Britains Got Talent with two important members of my cancer journey and the TYA Unit, Lucy and Franki.
So even though I received rather bad news today and have been told I can’t go home, I’m still able to remain positive as I’m not fed up like I was in Whiston hospital. I can’t say it enough, the support I have in here is outstanding and I truly want to thank Teenage Cancer Trust and Clatterbridge for giving me such good treatment and providing this unit for me and other teenagers going through Cancer, I really can’t explain enough how appreciative I am. Hopefully, this weekend will go as smoothly as it can and my temperature will lower so I can have my Chemo as I really don’t want it pushed back any more than it already has been. I always think time is of the essence, and through my treatment so far I’ve wanted to jump into every opportunity to get better that they have gave me, despite the pain and despite how it’ll effect me. I’ll take anything and everything they throw at me to get better because pain is temporary but letting myself die from this would be forever. I’m not one to lose and I’m definitely fighting to win. Hopefully, my next blog post will have good news regarding my Chemo.