Premature Celebration

By now, most people have probably seen the celebration I had on Thursday after receiving the wonderful results that my tumours in my Liver have shrunk! This meant my Chemotherapy was working and I was on the path to recovery, I’d never felt so relieved.

I have been kept in the hospital since last Thursday (29th September 2016) however because of severe pain near my coccyx and trouble urinating which has resulted in me needing a catheter which was an experience in itself. First off, the first attempt was a failure because the catheter was faulty meaning that once they painfully got it in, they had to painfully take it out! Luckily the second attempt was a lot more successful and worked, therefore meaning I didn’t have to go through any more pain (apart from the uncomfortableness that came with a tube being up my urethra, although I guess that’s obvious). The catheter wasn’t half needed though, given a normal bladder can hold 400-600mls and my bladder was holding over a litre of urine! This, understandably, left me in excruciating pain in which I was profusely crying to my mum and the nurses, begging them to give me something to stop the pain and even requesting they put me to sleep so I don’t feel anything. The first bit of bad news this post brings is that even after an MRI scan they still don’t know what is causing me the pain, as even though I have kidney stones they don’t believe they’re causing the pain. For now, im on a list of strong painkillers till I get a Bladder Scan.

None of this stuff has been of interest to me today however as I had another visit from my consultant Dr Khan who brought news I was never expecting since we had such good news on Thursday. Apparently, there is a new problem that has only just been brought to light recently (because initially he only looked at my chest CT and not the rest of my body) that he needed to talk to me about today… this was that despite the surgery to remove my tumour in my bowel, cancer cells where left behind because the tumour was so big. This means I still have cancer in my bowel and as of yet, it is unknown if the current Chemo will get rid of it.

This has completely ruined my mood, I’ve went from celebrating to feeling stupid for celebrating in the first place. My minds all over the place and I’m rather upset at the moment so I may have a few days to myself then I’ll come back with a sort of question and answer session, so feel free to ask any questions in the meantime either over private messenger on my Facebook page or the comments section. I’m due to have a bladder scan tomorrow as the pain could either be my kidney stones moving about or could possibly be linked to the cancer left behind in my bowel… meaning it could have spread to my bladder. I’m due to continue with Chemotherapy on Friday whether I’m still in pain or not bu all I’m hoping is for a miracle that I’m the next few days, I’ll be out of pain and able to carrying on fighting.

Thank you for continued support throughout my whole journey, I really do hope that even if it’s going to be a lengthy treatment plan and full of pain and sickness, that’ll it’ll give me some light at the end of the tunnel and I will one day be able to say I’m able to live my life again. It’s unreal how much I just want to live.

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